Marriage should be illegal...

"Marriage should be illegal" those words were said to me recently by one of my newly wedded children.

Then my dear one said " I have never wanted to choke someone til their eyeballs popped out of their head up so much in my whole life."

Yep..that's married life.

Those first couple years when you are with someone are filled with passion..and passion takes lots of forms... for example... wanting to choke someone til their eyeballs pop out is one form.

Not that I would not know anything about that sort of thing...Kim and I have always been level headed and rational.

Which is why the kids and their friends used to rate our fights in terms of most interesting..most exciting..most entertaining.

The one that comes up most often is the one where I was so angry that I picked up my daughters Big Wheel ,threw it and hit the hood of his van as he drove off. Which is made all the more impressive by the fact that I was a pretty good distance from the vehicle.

I also tried to run him over with my car.

He threw a cup so hard against the kitchen wall it left a hole...

Passion.

Eventually though you get to the point where you start to understand your partner..the things they will say..their reactions to life events..what torks the heck out of them.

Now most of the time those are the lessons that we can use to make life calmer, easier and productive...

Except for when we don't.

Except for those days when we just really want to make a point.

In the "old days" I would decide to make my always salient point by getting up earlier than the husband and playing music that he hated ...loudly.

The Indigo girls and Melissa Ethridge being the two best battle cries I could mount.

It was the equivalent of poking a hornets nest...or waving a red flag at a bull...or bombing a neighboring country.

It got things going.

Which we need to do sometimes in a marriage.

However, I have found these past many months that living apart from your love has its advantages when you are so sick of that person that you stare at them wondering" WTF was I thinking when I married you?? Why did I even date you?? For the love of God why did I date you a second time?"

Yes, If you want to have a "time out" two houses can be advantageous.

Most of us can't afford that...trust me it is not an economically good option.

Its a good option if one of you is a hobo...no offense to the Hobos of the world.

I can make my case about my husbands"hobo" ways with this story.

I have been doing lots and I mean lots of cleaning to make the move back into the house.

Last Saturday i decide I am going to clean the kitchen sink. I scrub and scrub for about 45 minutes(really) and finally decide enough for now..it is pretty good.

The husband comes home awhile later and he walks in the kitchen..looks at the sink..turns away..does a couple things comes back to the kitchen looks at the sink again and says nothing..third time he is back again this time he peers into the sink and has this funny look on his face..he turns and looks at me and says" Di, did you paint the sink white?"

'I just sigh and shake my head and say " no Kim..that's what it is supposed to look like."

I rest my case.

I married one of the few men in the world who could make me appear neat.

See kids ...marriage is like that.

It changes you. You both grow..learn give and take..embrace new facets of your personality.

So what to do...if you are going to make it as a couple.., and you can't afford separate homes?

I would suggest the following...First, have a strong throwing arm... Second,figure out what really makes them mad and use that information wisely...And third, but most importantly,develop a killer sense of humor so you can tell the story without actually choking their eyeballs out of their head...

and of course it is all about the story.

The road from the heart to the head...

"Its a long and lonely highway from the heart to the head." That is a line from one of Kims' new songs. I find it very moving and very accurate.

When we fall in love our brain isn't really involved.

Well, think about it... we "FALL" in love. We do not step gingerly..we do not walk....we do not even run..its a freaking FALL.

If, by some chance our brain is involved at all then chances are it is not that gut twisting, moon eyed, can't get enough of you, kind of feeling.

Falling in Love is rarely rational.

People do some seriously crazy stuff for love.

Seriously. Think Romeo and Juliet...Maria and Tony( okay I know that's the same)...Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton...twice...

See its not always easy to maintain that level of crazy.

It often ends badly.

It often...well... ends.

The trick is maintaining it.

Which judging by the 51% divorce rate is not easy.

Yet, some people do just that.

I am sure you know some couple that have been together for 50+ years and still do lovey things..still look happy and goofy when they catch sight of their love.

They make it look easy.

There was a couple at church that were together for over 50 years. He was 3 years younger than her and he told me that the first time he saw her he was 14, they were at a church dance and he fell in love instantly. She said she saw him and thought well now I have to wait for that boy to grow up a little.

Bruce and Mary.

Mary also told me that in all their years together they had never had a fight, not one. Ever.

Which seems really hard to believe. Over 50 years with the same person and no fighting?

I asked Bruce how that could be and he said" well she rarely does anything I don't agree with."

So I asked and if she does?

He said..."I take a walk. I take a walk until I am no longer mad...sometimes its a long walk."

That's what all marriages need at times... a long walk.

I just got back from my walk. It was 17 months long.

So what did I learn during my walk?...I learned several things...I am pretty good with being on my own...the husband is not.

He did unspeakable things to the house in a relatively short period of time. Who doesn't know about dusting?? Or that you really need to clean the top of the stove once in awhile...or at least once.

Actually, I learned more important things than the fact that the man is kind of a Hobo...I already knew that.

I learned I can hold a grudge...a long long time.

I learned that forgiveness is a whole lot easier to preach about than to actually practice.

I used to preach really well about forgiveness and redemption...but as my friend Lynn's grandma used to say" its easy to be an angel when nobody ruffles your feathers."

My feathers were seriously ruffled and I wanted to make sure that NOBODY forgot it...evidently most of all me.

So, I replayed all that went wrong and did some wallowing and fretting and I decided how it should have gone down and I absolved myself from any wrong doing.

I became the innocent victim in my very own tale of woe.

So what did that accomplish? Well, it made me very self righteous. Yes indeed, righteous indignation that's a good substitute for love.

It also solves virtually nothing.

I learned that having an angry and a vindictive spirit is like being mired in the mud. The longer you are in it the harder it is to get out.

I learned...being "right" isn't actually as important as being happy.

My therapist told me that a very long time ago...like the first time I saw her...but some things can't be heard... they need to be felt.

I learned that connecting...really connecting on all levels with someone...is something that few people are lucky enough to have.

It is rare and it should be held in high regard.

I learned that we all have our own unique dysfunctions that we bring to a relationship. It is both the challenge and the interest in a good relationship.

As the song goes " there is a secret passage and a toll that is due...there are parts of me that are missing and parts of you."

But the most important thing that I learned was that I love my husband enough to put up with

( as my mother-in-law would so delicately put it) "the shit and the string beans" and that makes my very long walk worth every step.

I

And the circle goes round and round...

My baby just turned 21. A child born several years after her first set of siblings and 7 years behind her closest siblings so not just my baby... their baby too. Baby sister but baby none the less.

Many of their friends had some of their first experiences with babies and toddlers with her. She was carried around a lot. They all liked to hold her.

Her oldest sister hardly put her down her first year. There was no "let her cry it out" in our house.

Her next oldest sister had a fondness for taking her out with the girls once she started to drive. Two or more teenage girls and a 4 year old bombing around town with the radio blaring.

Her brother and his friends liked to torment her a bit... but It was always good natured.

She was taught completely inappropriate songs like "Gin and Juice"..( was that the name?) and " Baby Got Back"..and "Enter Sandman".

She..who spoke little...did learn some serious swear words early on. Evidently, "the sistas" as she called them... thought that was VERY funny. I am reasonably sure one of the sistas..now a grade school teacher..and new mom...might have a different idea about how funny that is now ...but that is how life goes. Things change.

Change.

Lots of that in the last couple of years.

For example..I am now officially the parent of adults. All of them... card carrying adults.

Not sure how the heck that happened.

Nor am I 100% sure where I fit in here.

It is especially difficult with the married ones...feeling your way around that potential land mind is very tricky. Suddenly every motherly instinct regarding advice..or ignoring their wishes because you think ..well they are just kids and what the heck do they know...suddenly that is not Okay!

If they have children of their own that just ups the ante with the precarious position you may find yourself in.

No longer are you in charge.

Even if you think they need help...even if you think they are wrong...it is now their show.

Theirs to decide what is right ..theirs to do as they see fit. Theirs to make their own mistakes.

Difficult place for any mother to find herself in.

Some of us have more trouble than others.

Some moms... and I have seen them... ignore the fact that their kids are adults and they just do what they want! Can you believe it??

Okay, maybe once or twice I might have done it but by and large I have not been the butinsky type of mama.

Which is not at all the same as not wanting to be the butinsky type of mom.

There is no retirement party for moms...because there is not really an actual retirement for most moms.

I think it is kind of like being the former President. You are used to being in charge..used to people wanting and needing your help and advice..and all of a sudden your opinion no longer really matters. You still see the situations and you think "I know how to handle that" and nobody even asks what you think. The very people that you once had to tell why " you may not stick the scissors in the outlet" or why " you cannot wear your boots and bathing suit to preschool"...

these are the folks in charge now!

Once in awhile..when situations are delicate..you MIGHT be asked for your advice...but usually you are just brought out for show...but nobody plays "Hail to The Chief" for moms.

It is a little hard to get used to.

Don't get me wrong...There are several perks..free time...not having to cook..listening to whatever you want on the car radio...laundry once a week.

I also realize it is way better than having children that cannot function as adults. I thank God every day for the fact that my children grew up. No small thing at all.

So my baby is 21..and 28...and 33...and 35. The circle goes round and round...and so much sooner than they can possibly know their babies will be 21 too.

I pray I am here to see it and...

I will even hum Hail To The Chief for them.

The Valentines Trap...or Love Stinks,,,,

Valentines day is a day which is fraught with unmet, unrealistic expectations.

Right from the get go it is a trap designed to make you feel inferior and unloved.

As a child in grade school I would make the valentine "mailboxes" tape them to my desk and worry.

First, I worried because my mailbox was always messy...there were glue spots and nothing ever stayed where it was supposed to stay..the stupid hearts would slide off onto the floor and some kid would step on it and hand it back to me with a foot print on it.

Yes... ever since I was 6... I was sporting footprints on my heart.

Mostly i worried that nobody was going to give me a valentine or that if they did give me one it would obviously be one of the leftovers that their mom made them give out to "be nice".

Even back then kids were told to give one to everyone in the classroom but that didn't always happen.

There were ways around that whole thing and everyone knew it. For example you get one that was meant for a boy and had something like a stupid cowboy on it or an astronaut. If another girl gives you an astronaut you know that means" you are nothing to me and my mom made me give one to everyone." Sigh... I got a lot of cowboys and astronauts.

Which was better than not getting one at all. There was one girl in my class who would always say in her little sing songy voice " oh I ran out of cards and your a V so I didn't have one for you" Liar. I happen to have had the exact same box and I know there was 36 in a box and there are only 30 in our classroom.

However, it wasn't just getting the valentines that was a problem it was the giving of them that was an issue. I would agonize over who got what card. Would they know that the card means I like you but not I LIKE you LIKE you... I was very worried that I would end up with a bunch of boys thinking I LIKED them when indeed I merely tolerated them and I most certainly did not want them thinking I wanted to be their girlfriend. In addition, I also always had one boy that I did actually LIKE LIKE and I wanted him to sort of know but not really know and all of this makes the card selection from a box of 36 cartoon characters a very difficult task.

Can't give out stupid valentines...can't give out babyish valentines...can't give out old lady valentines and you sure as shit better not hand make them! My poor mom suggested we do that one year and I threw a fit to end all fits. It screamed poor kid and besides as previously mentioned I was not exactly "crafty".

I figure that the whole grade school valentine debacle was merely designed to get you in training for the more profound disappointments in the years to come.

It was during my teen year that I really got familiar with the Valentine trap.

It was the 70's... during which I spent much of my time in jeans and talked a lot about what we called back in the day "women's lib".

I was for it and Valentines day was meant to keep women subservient to a man. Giving a woman flowers and a mushy card or a box of candy or the stuffed animal with a big old red heart was a trap..a ploy..a way of clouding our mind and eyes to the realities of inequality.

Oh I really talked the talk.

During that time I had an on and off boyfriend. This guy was not a mushy kind of guy and we talked (well I talked, he listened ) about how it was a plot by ""the establishment to keep women down.

Brother, Talk about screwing yourself!

So while I was in my room writing tortured poetry, plotting government overthrow, and listening to Bob Dylan ,my boyfriend was free to totally ignore the day. He also managed to ignore my Birthday, Christmas and any other event that meant he might have to spend some cash but that's another story.

The year I was 16... he did stick a card in the paper box in front of our house. I found it the next day.It was kind of frozen in the envelope and kind of ripped when I opened it.

It had a cupid on the front of it that and inside it said " valentine..my heart gets jumbly , my words get mumbly..when you are near. "

I was surprised...I was flattered..I was confused...most of all I was...HAPPY!

I did like all this valentine mushy stuff..sound the freakin alarms..I want candy ...I want flowers..heck I will even break out a red dress and shoes...just give me more of THAT.

I still have the card today...39 years later.

You would have thought that I had learned a lesson from this revelation/

Well you would be wrong.

For years and years as soon as all the pink and red candy heart boxes show up in the stores and the advertisements for flowers..jewelry.. and candy engulf us..I would say over and over to husband number 1 +2 how it is a manufactures event. It is designed to make companies rich and that I do not need a holiday for some man to tell me they love me.

Which it is.

Which I don't.

Which is something that many women say once they are settled with a man.

What we don't say is...that knowing all that...WE STILL WANT IT!!

Listen carefully all my new son-in-laws and my son...if you have never paid attention to a single word I have ever said listen...

To all men in general...

It is good advice so you might want to write it down..." if your wife/partner says they do not want anything for Valentines day..that they do not need it...that it is stupid...

DO NOT BELIEVE THEM.

IT IS A LIE.

IT IS A TRAP.

We all want stuff.

We want the flowers at the work...because the office is just another 3rd grade classroom on that day. Whoever has the biggest..best..most stuff on their desk...WINS.

If we are not at work we want them at home.

It means somebody...who is not a thoughtless lug...loves us.

It means their is still a little bit of romance out there.

We want the grand gesture

If you take them to dinner on "the day" its even better. Sure it will be less crowded a day or two before..or a day or two after..and probably cheaper..but it Won't be Valentines Day and by God that is the day we really want to be taken out.

Now if you are a good cook and can make a great romantic ( no kids) dinner that is our favorite

( not yours ) and clean up the mess( very important) and can make the table look pretty

( no paper plates ) then you can also cook for us at home. It is acceptable especially on a work night.

We want romance and we want pampering and ( here is the kicker) those of us who protest the most..want it the most!

Those are the women who sadly expect a man to "just know"

I am here to tell you ladies that is an extremely dangerous and self defeating game..they don't know unless we tell them..and they sure don't know if we tell them its Okay to ignore it...they believe us. Silly Silly men..they believe us.

The advertisements do us all great harm..it is a set up..I was right as a teen..but it is what it is.

Nobody ever said being in Love is easy. It takes work. It takes learning the rules..even the unspoken ones.. Actually, especially the unspoken ones.

Now, my plans for this year is to play " Love Stinks" over and over while eating the box of chocolate I bought myself and drinking my favorite wine. The rest of you get busy. Men there is still time to do it right and women there is still time to make your needs known!

Good Luck and Happy Valentines Day!

Community~

Community. When you hear that word what images come to mind? For me, I tend to think of a group of like minded people. I usually connect that with church. A while back someone pointed out to me that our community really does not have to be in any way church related... that it is a group that you have common interests and goals with.
Perhaps.. Like a book group could be a community or a writers group..they would fall into that definition.

Still...I tend to think it is more than that... which brings me back to church.

I have been involved with a couple church communities and a community of people who were following a call. There were deep and powerful bonds for me with each group.

My formation group was such a community. We were together for about 4 years. We explored our calls together..we learned together.. we worshiped together... we experienced upheaval and loss together as a group... as a community.

We had dissimilar backgrounds but we had a common goal.

My first experience with all of them was one that was memorable for me in so far as I felt so totally out of place and unconnected to the lot of them. Only one did I feel any kind of connection to and I was not sure if it was the fact that she " came to my rescue" or that I admired her no nonsense strength ..and her sense of style..loved that too. No matter, whatever it was a bond was forming and so began my entrance into this community of would be clergy.

It was a most interesting and cherished journey.

While going through that, I also was part of two really lovely church communities.

One was my home parish..Trinity Seneca Falls. They were my first true community. A group of wonderful people who literally nursed me back to health both physical and spiritual. I weighed a whopping 85 lbs when I started going there. I went because i felt called..I went because I figured i was dying and it would be nice to have a place to have a funeral..I went because I thought then and still think now It is one of the most beautiful churches you can see in this part of the world.

I went and they embraced me and they prayed for me and they watched as I got stronger and they supported my growth and they supported my call. They were my sponsoring parish and I was deeply and profoundly sad to leave them as my time came to enter into internships.

But leave them I did, never expecting that I would find another church that I would fit into as well as completely as totally... but I did.

St. Johns Marcellus was my home for a year and a half. It was there I learned that I loved to preach..I learned about all the duties of a Deacon..I learned that being "clergy" requires more than a love and faith in God. They were and are wonderful people with good hearts who despite occasional individual differences..love and work together. I was sincerely heartbroken when it was time for me to leave. To this day I profoundly miss them.

I have defined myself for the last year or better as a Homeless Episcopalian.

I have said that I am Deacon of the Church of Messy Lives. I believe both to be true.

I was not ordained because life got in the way.

It has not for one second quieted the call I hear.

The fact that I have found it impossible to be a part of any church, and especially the Episcopal Church is.. I believe.. something that i am to work through. It has brought me to my knees more times than I care to admit and yet faith and call remain stronger than ever.

I now believe that my call is to the community of Jesus and to the community of those who do not fit the prescribed molds. It is what I do everyday at work and it is my very distinct and personal call.

Eventually I will find a church community again. I have gone a couple times to St. James Skaneteles lately and I find some measure of comfort there but...

In the meantime...I pray...I read.. I write...I make food baskets.. I listen to stories... and I search for where I feel God is calling me.

Today, in the bulletin at St James, there was this quote by Alexander Graham Bell

" When one door closes another one opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully at the closed door we do not see the one that has opened for us."

Message received Lord..message received.

Amen

arggggggh!!!!

Well, 2011 is off to the races and here is the deal...in case you have not realized it there are times in our lives when we get to just sit back and look around and proclaim..life ain't fair.

What you say?? Not fair? No way??

What, pray tell, makes you say that on this lovely winter day?...well here's the thing...

I have Gout.

Okay..now I hear ya.."That's it?"

"Well Diane...That's too bad but ..really so what??"

I have weathered serious heart failure and intestinal problems that removed part of my intestines and Optic neuritis that resulted in some worsening vision and a droopy eye and spinal stenosis and arthritis and food allergies and...

So what??

Well let me tell you what...

Gout is an old persons disease.

Gout is for fat old Kings in England

Gout is for beer drinking young men

Gout is for people who eat lots of bad for you food..beef and pork and fatty stuff and fast foods.

That is not me.

And... Adding insult to injury...

the Doctor called me....a woman of " a certain age"...

and then he said.."elderly"

Are you kidding me??? I mean WTF???

I think I hate him. I might have said that to him.

I am pretty sure I told him to shut the F++k up.

Twice.

I am trying to date. Dating women are not ELDERLY.

Those broads don't date..they sit..they knit..I can't even sew a button...ask my daughter-in-law...Not even a button.

Brother.

I mean how does one present themselves to potential suitors..."Oh I would love to go out with you as long as my gout is not acting up!! "

I would not date me.

I sound OLD.

And I do not wish to date old folks so... pretty sure they do not want to date..me

Wait, lets get back to not fair...

How is it that someone who has had children that tried to smuggle hot dogs in their Jacket out of Wegman's and had children that got sweet cereal only for a special Christmas present..and was a vegetarian for 12 years and still has a really impeccable diet and truly does work out...How the heck does that person get gout??

Cause life ain't fair.

Sometimes, we do everything we are told to do and said thing still does not have the desired result.

For example...Both my parents... avid readers..crossword puzzle devotees ... didn't really drink or smoke,they ate well and got lots of exercise and yet both ended up with dementia.

Not fair.

But...

That is the way it goes...life is funny... life is precious..life is hard..life is too short..too long..life is all that and more but it really...often ...just boils down to that its just the way it is and sometimes...

It just is not fair.

Nor have we been promised fairness.

Certainly not by God..and hopefully not by parents or anyone else in influential in our lives.

We strive to do"the right thing" for the right reasons.

It is not an assurance of desired results.

The only assurance is that you get to look your self in the mirror and say.."I did the best i could"

Which is something anyway.

Right? Right??

And a deep and abiding belief in God does not preclude a feeling of injustice or just flat out crankiness...

He grants us Grace..Forgiveness and hopefully... peace of mind...even when

Marriages fail..Parents die...Bank accounts tank... Call get derailed...and Egos get bruised

But he never says it will be fair.

At least not yet...Justice will reign...but the promise is more universal than individual and that maybe is what is what helps us most...the reminder that it is not about"me"

And I do remind myself of that...

But

just for a few...I allow myself righteous indignation...

and I am pretty sure that is Okay too.

Check Please! Or my year on Match.com...

Okay... it was not what one would call a success. I mean if the goal was to meet someone and have a connection be it a friendship or as they like to say in the profiles"something more". It was not.

First... let me say that most people are not on this thing to make friends no matter how much they say that it is an option. Its really not.

Nope, most fall into one of two categories.

Category 1...They are looking for the last great love of their life. They sincerely hope this person can be found through Internet dating.

Category 2..they are looking not to die alone. Now of course I can only speak for my age group...but there are a whole lot of people who are in this group.

Betcha thought I was going to say people looking for sex..that appears not to be the case..again not in my age group..unless we are being courted by youngsters.

But I digress and we will get on to the 29 year olds..I promise.

Dating in your mid 50's has a certain amount of yuck to it anyway. I mean most of us are just to flippin tired to be bothered most nights. There is a lot of work in dating and most of us just don't have the stamina anymore.

The profiles that guys put up crack me up. I have never in my life realised that so many men are interested in "cuddling on the couch" or walking on a moonlit beach".

I also was unaware that so many men are hanging out either in local bars in their jeans or dressing up for those"black tie" affairs. Who knew that central New York had all those black tie affairs and not to stereotype but in Clyde and Port Byron? Doubt it.

So about the guys.

Well, the very best quote that I have ever heard anyone say about online dating was by a woman who is dating a friend of mine. I would love to take credit for it but..

She said " Do you remember the Flintstones cartoon from when we were kids and do you remember Mr Slate? Every guy I date looks like Mr. Slate. I'd settle for Fred or Barney but all I get is Mr. Slate."

Oh... I hear ya sista ,I hear ya.

I have discovered that men have no idea what they look like. They have no problem putting a picture up that is 15 or 20 years old and I figure it must be that is what they see when they look in the mirror.

Well, its either that or they are all under the mistaken impression that I am blind, stupid and desperate or all of the above. Seriously guys, I am going to realize that you no longer have hair and that you have gained 25 lbs. So..why bother with false advertising. It really gets the date off to a bad start. When you walk in that room and you are looking and looking and then you see someone who looks like the dad or much older brother of the guy you are expecting..it is a bad sign for things to come.

Also... for whatever reason, some guys seem to feel that it is Okay to check me out from top to bottom like they are buying a horse. I have had dates where I half expected the guy to open my mouth and count my teeth.

And, it really is not Okay to say" Wow I bet you were a looker when you were younger" Not a compliment and for the record..I think I look better now!

I went on a number of first dates..very few second dates and even fewer third dates.

So lets look at the year in review.

On my very first date after having coffee in a Tim Hortons for less than an hour he says to me

"where do you see this relationship going?"

I thought he was kidding so I said" well my part of the "relationship" (and yes, I used air quotes) is going home.

Turns out he wasn't kidding and he said to me that he did not feel I could be a" serious life partner". Got that right buddy. So no second date.

Took me awhile to get back on the horse after that but I did and the next date was one of those where I walked into the restaurant and saw a man who was for sure a good 15 years older than he had said and he already had professed to being older than i figured on dating.

So my calculations are that he was about my dads age... mid 70's.

His first words to me" You are not dressed appropriately for the weather"

First words to me. My first words should have been goodbye but I am polite..(well I was polite not sure i am anymore)..anyway we continued with what may have been the fastest meal ever eaten at the Sherwood.

He criticised my choice of foods ( not enough protein)..my clothing ( not weather appropriate) .. my number of children ( too many)and my work( too altruistic).

He then insisted we walk before I get in my car as digestion works better with walks after meals.

I walked faster than i have ever walked in heels..I was a freakin marathon runner. Run Diane Run!

Check Please!!

Okay, so again I become somewhat gun shy but then i decided like the ad says" Just do it"

So i did.i became a serial dater. if they asked i went.

I went so often to Parker's in Auburn that my kids were worried that the staff would start thinking i was a hooker.

Some highlights: The guy who spent the first 15 minutes of our date telling me how much he hated his ex. While telling me this he grew red in the face and took a bottle of hot sauce pretended it was a car and showed me how he would love to drive back and forth over her again and again.

Nice

So I say " I detect a bit of unresolved hostility" And he says to me.." I am a nice guy but that bitch deserves to die." Alrighty then..Check please!

Then we have the musician who seemed okay..decent music..sweet..not the sharpest tool in the shed but..nice enough and we had one semi date ( he was playing) and then he invites me to where he is playing again and since it was home territory( Parker's) I figure why not. So I go and I am sitting next to a woman about my age and I am watching him play and this younger woman kind of dancing along with him and I realise that she is also his date and at the same time the woman next to me realizes the same thing. This guy was covering his bases. Three women..well who knows maybe more..

Check Please!!

Then there are the young guys. The guys who for whatever reason are attracted to women my age. Could be that whole cougar thing. Could be unresolved mom issues. The truth is I just couldn't bring myself to actually date them.

Online flirtations worked but when it came down to it..couldn't date guys that were younger than some of the clothes I own.

There needs to be some sort of a marker in ones life. Evidently that's mine.Who knew!

There was the guy that I had a successful date 1 and 2 and then when on date three I said I would not go to his apartment..he became very condescending and hostile he told me I was " not confident in my womanhood"

Nope..don't think thats it...

There was the guy I caught taking the tip I left for the waitress and when I called him on it he said" nobody tips me for doing my job" I told him in no uncertain terms what a jackass i thought he was and I grabbed my money( note my money) and put it in our waitresses hand. Check please!

There was the guy with the disgusting long fingernails..also way older than he said... who told me right away that I was " good enough to do" YECKKKK!!!

Check please!!!!!!

So one year..lots of dates...learning the Parkers menu well enough to work there...and while not a success...

I did get lots of stories and that may just be what it was all about for me anyway.

Because its always about the story.