Community~

Community. When you hear that word what images come to mind? For me, I tend to think of a group of like minded people. I usually connect that with church. A while back someone pointed out to me that our community really does not have to be in any way church related... that it is a group that you have common interests and goals with.
Perhaps.. Like a book group could be a community or a writers group..they would fall into that definition.

Still...I tend to think it is more than that... which brings me back to church.

I have been involved with a couple church communities and a community of people who were following a call. There were deep and powerful bonds for me with each group.

My formation group was such a community. We were together for about 4 years. We explored our calls together..we learned together.. we worshiped together... we experienced upheaval and loss together as a group... as a community.

We had dissimilar backgrounds but we had a common goal.

My first experience with all of them was one that was memorable for me in so far as I felt so totally out of place and unconnected to the lot of them. Only one did I feel any kind of connection to and I was not sure if it was the fact that she " came to my rescue" or that I admired her no nonsense strength ..and her sense of style..loved that too. No matter, whatever it was a bond was forming and so began my entrance into this community of would be clergy.

It was a most interesting and cherished journey.

While going through that, I also was part of two really lovely church communities.

One was my home parish..Trinity Seneca Falls. They were my first true community. A group of wonderful people who literally nursed me back to health both physical and spiritual. I weighed a whopping 85 lbs when I started going there. I went because i felt called..I went because I figured i was dying and it would be nice to have a place to have a funeral..I went because I thought then and still think now It is one of the most beautiful churches you can see in this part of the world.

I went and they embraced me and they prayed for me and they watched as I got stronger and they supported my growth and they supported my call. They were my sponsoring parish and I was deeply and profoundly sad to leave them as my time came to enter into internships.

But leave them I did, never expecting that I would find another church that I would fit into as well as completely as totally... but I did.

St. Johns Marcellus was my home for a year and a half. It was there I learned that I loved to preach..I learned about all the duties of a Deacon..I learned that being "clergy" requires more than a love and faith in God. They were and are wonderful people with good hearts who despite occasional individual differences..love and work together. I was sincerely heartbroken when it was time for me to leave. To this day I profoundly miss them.

I have defined myself for the last year or better as a Homeless Episcopalian.

I have said that I am Deacon of the Church of Messy Lives. I believe both to be true.

I was not ordained because life got in the way.

It has not for one second quieted the call I hear.

The fact that I have found it impossible to be a part of any church, and especially the Episcopal Church is.. I believe.. something that i am to work through. It has brought me to my knees more times than I care to admit and yet faith and call remain stronger than ever.

I now believe that my call is to the community of Jesus and to the community of those who do not fit the prescribed molds. It is what I do everyday at work and it is my very distinct and personal call.

Eventually I will find a church community again. I have gone a couple times to St. James Skaneteles lately and I find some measure of comfort there but...

In the meantime...I pray...I read.. I write...I make food baskets.. I listen to stories... and I search for where I feel God is calling me.

Today, in the bulletin at St James, there was this quote by Alexander Graham Bell

" When one door closes another one opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully at the closed door we do not see the one that has opened for us."

Message received Lord..message received.

Amen