Maybe it is something we do not really know until we are in it...or just out of it. The whole hind site is 20/ 20 thing.
So here is a little story for you.
Last week...Wednesday...it was a beautiful day. Really lovely, a bit on the warm side, hints of Spring in the air and I went to tend to my parents. I had been at work all day and I had errands to run. I was not expecting to be the person who was" watching them" that day but things had just worked out that way. So...still the errands had to be done...laundry, Wegmans, post office and the library.
All errands that i would happily forgo...except the library. I love the Library. I have said more than once that one of the best things about moving back to Auburn has been getting back to Seymour Library. On days that i am feeling exceptionally stressed the library is where I go to feel relaxed. I walk in the building and feel an immediate release of tension. Seymour Library is such a wonderful mix of old and new. The building has the classic feeling of many years ago...I walk through the doors and i can feel myself 50 years younger. I swear I hear the voices of Mrs. Pine,the children's librarian, and my mother.
The smell of the books takes me back in an instant. I go back to the time of my childhood and of my children's childhood. Story hour, for me...for my kids...library cards...
I actually remember receiving my first card. Oh and the pride i felt when i could finally print my own name and receive my card. I see my kids painstakingly writing there own names and getting their cards. All that rushes back when I walk in that place.
So back to last Wednesday...
My mom was having a good day and I had errands. So away we went. We did the laundry mat, Wegmans and the Post Office. My mom was a willing if slow companion. Always agreeable she went along with me.
Last stop the library.
I offered to let her sit in the car while I ran in. She said she would walk along. I admit that for a moment I was almost going to pass on going. I figured it would take forever to get her in there...it is a bit of a walk from the parking lot. But I figured we would give it a try. As we approached the doors she looked at me and said very clearly" they have changed this" Which they have.
It used to be that there were these wonderful big stairs and black heavy wrought iron doors. I loved the steps and I would spend a lot of time as a little girl going up and down and up and down. My mother would sit on one side and start to read one of the many books she got out while I went up and down. When i tired I would sit next to her and she would read to me until the bus came to pick us up.
So in we went.
As she walked into the main part of the library ...which is really very much like it was 50 years ago... the look on her face was joyous.
She turned to me and said"oh you loved this place so much...you still love it don't you?" I said to her" oh yes, I really do...because I never ever go here and not think of you." She smiled at me and said"your a good one...your mom did a good job."
" Yes , I told her she really did."
The next day my mother could hardly walk and was talking almost incoherently all the time. Friday she entered the hospital. Saturday she almost died. She rallied but is unable to walk on her own and will be going into a nursing home. She will likely not come out.
Dementia has claimed the mother I had. The bright, organized, high spirited mother has been gone for some time now. About two weeks ago I said to a friend I do not remember her well anymore. I cannot think what she used to be like.
That was before last Wednesday. Last Wednesday It all came back to me and I think It came back to her for a minute.
That to me...Gods Grace.
