What would you do if...

This afternoon I decided to spend some time relaxing after a very long and busy weekend/week/summer. So after church and after painting a whole wall....long wall, I decided we were going to head to the movies. A nice escapist film.
So what better to go to than Rise of Planet of the Apes. All I knew about it was that it was a prequel to Planet of the Apes. So far so good...a big summer movie. Not in the category of Tree of Life but I was not looking for that.

No, I was looking for escapism. Which I am sure, for many people, this movie may have fit the bill. For me...not so much. I spent a huge amount of time sobbing. Now if this was the husband that wouldn't be that surprising as he is a big cryer at movies but me...never.

But, this movie got me on several levels.

First, There is the fact that the Apes seemed so sad and so human and it broke my heart seeing them experimented on. Really makes me crazy to think about animals being used for science. Sad Sad...of course these apes did get their day but I guess you may have figured that...hence the title. But...i wept.

However, what really got me was the reason that the Apes got"smarter" I won't say smart as I firmly believe they are already smart...but that's another theme. No, what got me was that James Franco was doing all of this to find a cure for his Dad who had Alzheimer's.
Sigh~
Seeing his dad try and not be able to remember things and seeing the look that passed over the sons face as he watched was just all too familiar.
So as much as I loved the Apes and value their life, i have to say that I could 100% get how someone could try to make things better...even for a bit when your parent has Alzheimer's.

I am sure that I would do absolutely anything even a risky experiment in order to have kept my mom from what she went through for so many years and to keep my dad from getting any worse.
I would try it all. It is a truly insidious disease. I have often described it as being in a version of Night of the Living Dead.
The Zombies...alive, but nothing inside.

Sound cruel?...perhaps... but try watching someone you love sink to where they are scared all of the time and have no idea who you...their child... is.
It is a bad dream that does not end until your parent dies.
How fucked is that?

My mom suffered with dementia for years. The first time I noticed that something was wrong was on my daughter Stacey's birthday. My mom forgot her cake. My mom queen of all celebrations forgot her first grandchild's birthday cake. I still remember standing in the kitchen and feeling that cold chill of fear and thinking "oh God, something is so very wrong."
Yeah, one of those moments when you feel time stop.Even writing about it I feel my heart pound and I am transported back in time.

Of course that was just the first of many many chilling moments.
There was the first time i realized she had no idea who I was.
Eventually we got into a routine where I would ring the doorbell or knock and she would answer. I would smile big and she would smile back and say " oh look, its a pretty lady who is selling something...can she come in?" I would say.."yes Ma'am I am selling hugs and kisses, would you like some?" She would clap her hands and say"oh yes, yes indeed."
That went on until she could no longer answer the door.
My mom was a sweet and generous soul every second that she was alive. Polite to a fault.
She was easier than most with this disease. Most are so frightened that they become violent.
That's gonna be my dad. Yes indeed, I couldn't win a lottery but by God I have two parents with this disease. My Dad is actually diagnosed with Alzheimer's. My mom the diagnosis was Dementia. There are some differences but bottom line...they both are killers....a long slow death. Its a death for the whole family...it sucks you in and breaks your heart daily.
Again...no relief till they draw their last breathe. What kind of child wishes for that??
The horrible part is that you do...God help you...you do wish for that. Not just for yourself but for them. Especially for them. Put the people who raised you in diapers and God Help you...you wish for that.

My dad still knows who I am but he gets very confused very easily. Sometimes he gets me confused with his sister.
He obsesses endlessly. About what? Whatever.
Sometimes he is very childlike but often he is just very angry. And why not? Who the hell wouldn't be pissed? He watched his wife of 56 years go away and still live for years... and he knows that the same thing is happening to him, who the hell wouldn't be angry and scared?

Hard for me though as I am the object of much of his anger. I have "taken his money", took his car, took his life away. Fair, no.
True? Well not really but you can see how he would focus on me. I did make it so i am in charge of his money and frankly now..he doesn't have enough to live month to month and so...I do it and its breaking me.
So when he starts yelling( and he does yell) about me taking his money...I am resentful and then I am guilty. There is a whole bunch of guilt that comes with this disease. Guilt for getting impatient, guilt for getting angry, guilt for wishing it would end.
Especially for that.

So back to the movie. It rang just a tad to close to home.
Not an escape film for me, for sure.

My dad is only going to get worse...I have been down this road before and it breaks my heart daily.

But the film also got me to thinking...what would I do if there was a trial med..a chance that I could try something to make my Dad better? What if it was not tested except on animals? Would I chance it?
Oh Hell yes! In a second. In heartbeat.

In the movie the Dad got better for a bit...not for a long time but for awhile.
I would take any any time that I could get. I would give my dad any amount of time that he could get.
A week... a day of being completely cured...I am in.
So stem cell? Bring it on. Don't even talk to me about how it might not be right. Tests on anything...go for it.

My hope is for a cure before I end up with it. I figure that my dance card is pretty much punched.
Selfish...not really. I hope it way more for my kids than for me. My parents illness has aged me in a way that nothing else has. I pray that will never happen to them.

I could pray that my Dad will have a miracle cure but see I know...That is just the summers latest escape film.
But of course as anyone who has had a parent with this disease knows...there is no escape.

There are moments and they will just have to do.

Its all you get...make it work.

let them eat cake....

The other day I went to a meeting of Human Service professionals from several counties. It was a meeting about developing a new program that would provide diapers and pack and plays for families in need. We were to explore if it is needed and if yes...how exactly would that look.
I went figuring that for the most part we were all for the most part on the same wave length.
Surprise!
We were not.
I detected something that I have been suspecting for awhile now. Here's the thing...times are getting tougher and people are getting harsher.
This is what happened:
I had a one on one with a woman...a nurse...that threatened to get downright ugly real quick. I went from 0 to 120 in about 2 seconds and I think...no I am sure... the anger was very evident.

This is what the woman said that torked me so...she said
"I am against just giving "these people" diapers for nothing. I am tired of handing people things without them having to do a thing."

Okay, now them is fighting words for me. First...as soon as you refer to anyone as "those people" you have me on the defensive...and subsequently the attack.
However, I tried to be open and see just exactly what she meant. So I said " oh really, please do be more specific."
So, she looked at me and said " well many of these people
( there is that phrase again)are irresponsible and use their money on things like cigarettes. If they can afford cigarettes and not diapers they should be turned into child protective."

Oh my Oh my...it took every single once of patience that I had in me not to leap across the table and choke her.
But I did not... I figured the board would have to fire me if I did that and I like my job.
I also did not say as I wanted to" you have no freaking clue what you are talking about."
But, i did say.."oh really? Child protective? So, you think when a family comes in and i can smell the cigarette smoke on them and the poop in their kids diapers and I have the diapers I should "teach them a lesson" by refusing them diapers and calling child protective?" She said "well why should we support their bad habits?"
Sigh~
But a fair question. The fact is I have more than once...probably more than once a week said very directly to people that IF they were to stop smoking they would have more money.
I do not condone it. However, I completely understand it.

Now to be fair I also actually understand what the nurse meant...it is hard to understand that someone would not see or worse does see the correlation between the amount of money they spend on cigarettes( or getting their nails done or going to McDonald's)and they still do it.

I think...we have a whole different ball game going on these days.

More and more people are falling through that invisible line that used to be middle class and falling straight...do not pass go... into poverty.

That does two things.
One,it makes it so the people who are now there haven't quite been able to let go of everything that is"a waste of money." Smokers are the most glaring example but there are others.
I figure that it is almost like "waving the white flag" to poverty. We give up...were poor. That's hard to wrap your head around.

The other thing is that the rest of the people who are slipping towards the edge or just sense that ever widening gap..are scared. They want to believe that this is something that most certainly can be avoided its just that people are "doing it wrong".
If that's the case then they won't ever be in that situation.

This month at House of Concern, the food pantry that I have been in charge of for over 4 years now, had 306 families in for food. That number smashes all previous numbers by a tremendous amount. We were barely able to keep the shelves filled. We spent... in 10 days... almost $2,000 on food at Aldis's. That's a lot of food.

306 families, and 30 of them were brand new to food pantries. Most still employed, places like Wal-Mart, the Outlet Mall, area diners, most married families with children.

I believe one of the reasons for the huge number is that Seneca Falls did not have any kind of program for children that provided food in the summer months and that was crippling to the families involved.
My goal is to have something in place next year one way or the other.
I think that will help them and I think it will ease the burden on the pantries.

But mostly, I think we are looking at a shift. The rich are getting richer and the number of poor is increasing.

The middle class is vanishing.

So we all have some choices to make.
Many of us( like myself) need to stop living beyond our means. We need to develop a plan because when you totter along the edge sometimes you fall in.

We also each have to think about what we feel we are called to do.

For myself,as a child of God who is trying to live in to the kingdom, i feel it is my call to help those in need.
Period end of story.
Hopefully, I will help in many cases by making an impact beyond a bag of food, or a couple diapers.
And if that is all it is, well then my prayer is that God will keep me from growing cynical.

Oh and one more thing... if you ever hear me saying anything about "those people" you have my permission to slap me.

I hear its your Birthday...its my birthday too

Ugh~ Okay that is so not the proper response...Yippee!!
But here is the thing..today I feel more ugh than yippee but mostly, most of the time it really is Yippee!!

I mean believe me, I, more than many, get the true value of a birthday.
This is because, when I was about 48 and a very insensitive doctor looked at me as we sat chit chatting about this that and the other thing and he said " well you won't have to worry about turning 50"
It was like a slap in the face and I thought at that exact moment "bull shit...I have every intention of living long enough to have have married kids and grand kids and see my all kids through school".

And I did.
So each birthday I would like to say to that guy...Thank-you...because I never...not ever... like to be told what I cannot do.

I am amazingly healthy all things considered. My heart at one point was so weak that it was an effort to breathe or eat or do anything much but sleep. It was a weird thing that took me in a minute from being really quite healthy to an invalid.

The reason never really discovered. Some theories..most actually... say it was the infection in my tooth that went straight to my heart despite the fact that I received dental care and took antibiotics. If so, imagine what would have happened without me doing that.
Others have said that during those years many people were infected with some sort of virus that attacked muscles, in particular heart muscles.
Well maybe... but I am not even sure it actually matters.

What matters is that I got better and I have already lived several years more than was expected.

I have lived long enough to see all my children except one get married and three of them have children and another one soon to have one.

I have lived long enough to walk away and walk back to the man who is one of the most difficult, but most worthwhile humans that I know. The walk away was imperative for both of us... the walk back was equally so.

I have lived long enough to discover a faith in God that has astounded this former atheist. Not just discovered and rejoiced, but discovered and felt the need to immerse myself in the belief and tell the story to anyone who cares to listen and most likely to some who don't.

I have lived long enough to have a job that is not a job so much as it is a calling. I have worked and worked hard for the last 4 years at The House of Concern and I cannot imagine doing anything else... At least not this second.

I have packed a whole lot into the last few years. A whole lot...and I have every intention in packing each subsequent year every bit as full.
I have plans that stretch right straight into my 90's.
Really.
I have plans to do the following..run a race..consider being ordained again...write a book...join the Peace Corps...be grandmother to many...and to enjoy each and every year of my life.
How freaking great is that!

So, the fact that I get senior discount sometimes when that young blond twit is at Dunkin Donuts and I really should not yet..that only bothers me for a minute..okay maybe two...and then I think.."sweet 10% discount".

The fact that I just realized that I could move into senior housing does not bother me...much.

The fact that I just realized today that I am a mere 4 years away from free admittance to the State fair will not bother me...this year.

I have a hard time reconciling myself to the fact that I am not young anymore. I still feel young. Well most days...recently...after I started trying to run...I thought perhaps I was actually 100.

However, since I have never ever run in my life..I think that is to be expected.
Not even as a kid did I run. My mother would say "run outside and play" and I would shoot her a disdainful look and grab my book and drag myself out into the yard and plunk myself down in the lawn chair under the tree. That was my extent of "running".

I am not athletic. Yet I really want to see if I can mange to run a 5k. I will start with a 3k and they call that a"fun run"...not sure who is having fun..so far not me...but I am committed to at least trying.
I might be last but since I am not even supposed to be alive well that's still something..right??

So, well I've forgotten most of why I was in a bad mood...I think it had something to do with a disagreement with one of my kids but this has made me remember that this too shall pass and as the husband always says to me...
"it will all work out in boom land baby"
and so it will.

happy almost birthday to me!!

"Its bitter bad..heartsick sad.."

"If you do me wrong I'll put your first and last name in my rock and roll song"...
Ah,Melanie.I loved that song.

Now... If she was like the woman I just read about..and I am sure you MUST have heard about it...then putting the guys name in her Rock n Roll song was seriously tame stuff.

This woman was really really pissed off...she took her husband...drugged him..cut off his penis and then... she threw it in the garbage disposal...and turned it on.
SHE TURNED IT ON!!
THAT'S PISSED OFF.
Also... kinda crazy.

As mad as I have been at certain men in my life ( and I have been seriously pissed) I cannot imagine being anywhere CLOSE to that angry.
I mean that's even beyond the Lorianna Bobbette mad.

You remember Lorianna right? She cut her guys junk off and then threw it in a field. There was however a chance of recovery with that act and indeed there was a recovery and surgery.

Not an option for this other guy.
YIKES.
Yeah... he should have been so lucky to have been married to a Melanie type...or even a blogger.
People who write are able to purge themselves of an awful lot of anger.
Thanks Be!
I have written so much that no eyes except mine will see but that is part of the process for me.
Who knows how seriously crazy I would be without it. Still...I must say not even in my writings at my very very worst moments did I ever think up what this woman actually did.
Okay... maybe part of it... but the garbage disposal!!??!! Nope.
That's kind of the point of no return.

I like writing because I can edit.
I can censor myself.
I can revisit.

That woman should have had a hobby..writing..acting...running...anything...
Being married is tough but seriously, if you find yourself looking at your husband...thinking about him and the garbage disposal and its not in conjunction with him fixing it...get help quick!

There is no do-over when you grind up his do-diddly do.
Not for you and definitely not for him.

Writing has kept me sane for years. Okay...Okay...saner.
I have had moments that I could have done something really crazy and then I wrote about it and thought about it and wrote about it some more and then I didn't do it.
Usually.

Writers... are often thought to be a little eccentric but I always figure that is actually a case of "just think what they would be like if they didn't write?"

Life, Love, hard hard hard.
We all need something to take the edge off of life. God...Family ...friends..all good...crucial even...
But sometimes when life gets truly difficult we need to tap into something that takes us from what is our driving crazy of the moment.
Writing does it for me. Its different for everyone.

So men, if you make your woman mad..really really mad and she has no outlet...you might just want to try to make nice very quickly...or sign her up for a writing class..or at the very least... dismantle the garbage disposal.

MHS...its a national epidemic!!

This my friends is a very important PSA.

MHS... Mistaken Hotness Syndrome.
Formerly affecting primarily men and women over fifty...it is spreading wildly and uncontrollably and someone you love MAY be Next!!

Symptoms include but are not limited to...wearing age inappropriate clothing. This can range from wearing clothing that is meant for teens or wearing clothes that you wore when you actually were a teen..
Piercings on anything other than ears on anyone over 50. Buying Cars that are neither comfortable or practical especially if you are a grandparent.
Sudden purchases of any of the following: a motorcycle... a boat... an electric guitar( that they do not know how to play)...or anything that smacks of former glory days.


MHS used to be fairly easy to identify..Former Cheerleaders, football players and men over 50 who play rock and roll ( and the women who love them) these were the primary victims.

But...it has spread and the newest victims are younger and falling hard. This newest strain has relationship and career ending potential. Once merely a disease that caused embarrassment to the children of the victims...now it wreaks havoc on the victims, their families, and over worked paparazzi.

Consider two of the more famous recent casualties: Tiger Woods and Anthony Weiner. Both men who without Golf and political career respectively would not have been given the time of day by most women. Certainly, never ever by all the women that ultimately did give them the time of day( or night) or tweet.

But give them a bit of fame..a bit of power..and MHS grabbed them by the----- and did not let go until they cried SEX ADDICTION.

Now in my humble opinion that is a misdiagnosis.
Actually what I generally say when I hear that is the reason for a fall from grace is "sex addicts my ass" but be that as it may.

I will be kind and I will go with the fact that maybe, just maybe, they have been mistakenly diagnosed.
Dr. Diane says they actually have Mistaken Hotness Syndrome.

Women paid attention to these men and they started to believe that they were actually HOT. They believed it forgetting that they already had landed truly good looking, intelligent wives and they were willing to look like total jackasses and risk it all.

MHS truly makes you stupid.
It does NOT make you a sex addict.

So friends heed the warning and be watchful..the signs are there. Please watch carefully, watch your friends, watch your parents, watch your next door neighbor and your priest.
Intervene while there is still time...because there is no known cure.

This has been a Public Service Announcement brought to you by The National MHS Coalition.

My name is Diane...

My name is Diane and I am a email..texting..Face Book...twitter...addict.

I know that might sound silly and relatively impossible considering I am 55 years old and a few short years ago I could barely turn on a computer and had a cell phone that was only for emergencies.
But it is the way of the world now for many it has become an integral part of life and for some it has become a problem.

Now in these 12 step groups they always want to know when your rock bottom moment came. Mine was the night I heard my fancy phone ( its an Android but I just call it fancy) ding and I checked the email and it was a work related email and I proceeded to answer it...which would have been OK if it had not been 3:00 AM...
3:00 AM!!!!

Okay, unless you are the President of the United States you probably do Not have a job that is SOOOO important that you MUST attend to a situation that very minute.
Trust me..they do not pay me anywhere near enough to be on 24 hr 7 day a week call.

Frankly I am just NOT that important.

Delusions of grandeur.. I think Face Book and Twitter and the ability for everyone to know where you are and what you are doing every single moment of the day and night gives us all delusions of grandeur.

Most of us really aren't that interesting. Does anyone really care how I spend my day? Perhaps the husband has to feign a bit of interest in my day but the rest of you don't.

I have seen couples who do a majority of their communicating on face Book..they make plans on Face Book..they keep track of each other on Face book and they even fight on face Book and THAT is truly dangerous. Once you do that you invite unwanted advice and you run the risk of putting things out there that should be private.

Private..you remember private right?
It is getting harder and harder to be private.
The thing is even if you are trying hard to keep off the radar there is always someone who is watching and most likely reporting and recording it all.

Big Brother is watching and he is all of us.

We are all so very interested in the latest gadgets and devices and we think we want them all... no we actually think we NEED them all and I have come to start wondering WHY?
Why do I need my Email and my facebook to come to my phone? Why do I need to never ever be off.
Because that is what it is... you are never ever off.

This is a real real danger for folks like me who are Human Service professionals and frequently have a bit of the "I must save the world" thing going on.
The stress that I was feeling was over the top many days and I think it is not that anything is THAT much harder or stressful...I think its because I had forgotten how to turn it all off.

If you feel anxiety when you have not checked your email/twitter/facebook account within the hour you too have forgotten how to turn it off.
If you have convinced yourself that people really give a shit that you just went into Wegmans..you have forgotten how to turn it off and...you are wrong..they don't.

We are losing the art of human contact and communication. It is as Orwell predicted.
The part that amazes me is that we have all so willingly stepped into it.

Now does that mean I am going to stop using all these various forms of communication? No. Just this morning I went to a great workshop about Social Media and Communication. It can be a most effective tool for people in Human Services who are frequently doing more with less and less staff. It works.

But it is again like anything else..
I love a good ( big)glass of wine in the evening... However, If I start having a good ( big) Bottle of wine in the evening that might just indicate a problem.
Moderation is always key...

So here is my personal plan for recovery..first, I no longer take my phone to bed. Period.
Nor do I have my computer in my room,or an Ipod or a radio or a Television or even a clock. I have a bed and books. If it starts to get light out and I hear the birds I figure it is getting time to get up..if my stomach growls I get up.
That did make me wake up at 4:45 the other morning but so be it.

I sleep longer I sleep better and I have started to dream again.
I have always been a woman who pays close attention to her dream life. You can't pay attention to what you aren't remembering and that is Much harder if you have nothing but broken sleep.

I start my day quietly and I end my day quietly.

Will I backslide? Probably. Do I still need to make adjustments? Yes.
But they say acknowledging that you have a problem is the first step...
So, I did.

The First Mothers Day...

There are good firsts and bad firsts. Today is both. Today is the first Mothers Day that my daughter is a mom and it is the first Mothers Day that my mom is gone. Both firsts have made a huge impact on me.

My daughter becoming a mom has been a joy to me. To watch her and all she has gone through in the first 9 months of my granddaughters life has been exciting, funny, memorable, and poignant on many occasions.

She, who has asked for virtually no advice from me since she was about 3, suddenly... sometimes ...does. Which is nice...different..but nice.

Now don't get me wrong this is by and large her show all the way and my advice is not likely to mean squat a good deal of the time ...okay especially the advice that I may offer unbidden..but those moments that I see her actually heeding it..those are great!

Moms like to help.

We like to help when asked.

We like to help when not asked.

Actually, we especially like to help when not asked because that's when we see you are heading down the wrong way and truth to be told it is usually a path we mistakenly went down ourselves so we are just trying to save you the trip.

That's what moms do...try to save you from any unnecessary wrong trips.

FYI... We do that our whole lives not just when you are young and in our care.

Being a mom is tough work and It never ever ends. Never. Ever Ever....Ever.

You might think that it will get easier and yes in many ways it does get easier...and in many it gets harder...especially when you start having kids of your own because then WE start having grandkids and that just starts it all over for us.

I made my mom a grandma at a rather young age. She was in her early 40's.

It was not, for one moment what she expected from me or probably wanted for me and she knew how very unprepared I was for the job. She never let on that she was worried about it. She just jumped in and helped me.

She had a wonderful knack of helping me figure things out and then letting me think I figured it on my own. Considering how little I actually knew she probably had to spend many a sleepless night trying to figure out the easiest way to get me to know what I needed to know.

I didn't know much about kids because I was not one of those girls that did a lot of babysitting, I had a younger sister who I tried really hard to ignore, and I had declared at the age of about 7 that I was never going to have kids. Never. Ever Ever...Ever.

I was going to be a reporter and I was heading out in the world. No kid to tie me down.

So the mechanics of babies and kids I had ignored.

Diapers were cloth and involved pins and rubber pants and washing machines.

Bottles involved lots of measuring and boiling.

The little walkers that they sat in were death traps and my poor Stacey probably started walking at 9 months for fear of getting stuck permanently in her little yellow walker.

Motherhood in the 70's was not easy.

Probably less easy in the 50's.

So my mom helped me with all the basics.

A left handed diapering wizard, she taught me how to hold down a squirming baby with one hand and diaper..with pins no less... with the other and all the various songs and distractions that went with accompanied that.

She helped directly and indirectly. She jumped in feet first and she rocked my babies and read to my babies and took pictures of my babies and of course she loved my babies.

She adored each and everyone of her grandchildren with every bit of her being.

An incredibly easy going person, I remember her getting as angry as I ever saw her with one of the teachers at Herman Ave school because she felt that one of them had said a disparaging remark about her grandchild. That was it for that teacher. She was livid.

It was shortly after that she decided she should not be the librarian where her grandchildren were attending school if possible.

Probably a good idea.

My mom and I became friends by the time I was about 25. She called me one morning and she asked me to go to lunch and hear a speaker with her.

There was a slight pause and she said " they said I could bring a friend and right away I wrote your name down on the sheet...I hadn't realized that I thought of you that way until I did that"

I spoke to or saw my mom probably a minimum of 4 or 5 days out of every week...more often that not it was every single day..for over 55 years. Even when she no longer had a clue who I was and thought I was "selling something" we talked.

The last few months have been tough.

I sleepwalked through the first Thanksgiving and Christmas without her. It had been a matter of weeks since she died at that point.

Easter was a little tougher but mostly Easter was tough because May was fast approaching.

May is the month that I always considered my Moms own personal month.

May holds not only Mothers day but also her anniversary and her Birthday. It was her favorite month. She loved the green of springtime, planting of her flowers, opening up her windows and getting some"nice fresh air".

She would love today.

The sun is shining. the birds are chirping happily, the grass is a brilliant green, flowers are blooming and its Mothers Day.

She loved beautiful cards and good chocolate. She was most easy to please on Mothers day.

She was most easy to please every day.

My mom taught me many things in life...cooking? check! Sewing...not a chance...housekeeping...she tried.

The important stuff, of course, is none of that.

She taught me about unconditional love.

She taught me that loving and caring for a child is a full time, whole life experience. It does not end at 18 or 21 or when they get married or even when they have kids of their own. It doesn't end if they do things you don't like or don't agree with. It doesn't end if they make bad choices. It doesn't end if they move away.

It doesn't end...period.

My mom is gone and I talk to her everyday. I wonder what she would do in any given situation. When I recently made a fairly bad decision based on anger and fatigue, my first thought was how great it would be to call her and tell her what I did.

I knew she would have laughed( it was funny...awful...but funny non the less) and then she would have told me to own up to what I did and try to make it right.

Which I did.

Right now i know she would tell me get off that computer and "get outdoors Diane, It is a beautiful day!" She would then break into a chorus of "Oh what a beautiful Morning".

So..

"Oh what a beautiful morning. Oh what a beautiful day. I've got a beautiful feeling every things going my way!"

Happy 1st Mothers day to my Amanda.

Happy Mothers Day to Sheena and Laura.

Happy Mothers Day to my mother-in-law Ruth

Happy Mothers Day to all my friends...

But most of all...

Happy Mothers Day to my mom.. I miss you.. love you...and I am going outside now.