God does not give you more than you can handle...

Sorry to my youngest and very intuitive and introspective child...he actually has nothing to do with the sh@*t that comes our way.

Not my theology anyway.

See a loving.. a just God would not be a testing god.

That to me is more like a a God with a big fu*king mean streak.

An Eddie Haskell type God. You know..all sweet and helpful when people are looking but when somebodies guard is down..bam! the nasty trick hits them.

Yeah... not my kind of guy.

I think when people say this what they actually mean is that by your faith in God you can handle all the crap that comes running though your life.

That I can get my head around.

Today I threatened to have a nervous breakdown. I was not kidding ...I actually meant it for a minute. I actually felt it for more than a minute.

Having parents with dementia can really really make you feel like you too are not in your right mind.

Now my mom, she is just..in a word..."shot..or gone". Take your pick.

Not medical terms..not nice terms..but it completely sums up the reality of the situation. My mother does not exist any longer. Oh there are little tiny glimpses every once in awhile but mostly this is not someone I know and she most certainly does not know me.

That is an Eddie Haskell type of joke..trading in your loved one for someone you can not recognise... even slightly.

Then there is the fact that i have two of them with it.

My dad is to the stage where he obsesses constantly and continually about odd things. So much so that at times it takes every once of strength in me not to scream at him.." SHUT UP" Just please shut up.. So far..I haven't done it. So far I have held out and answered the question..the same question..over and over exactly the same way.

Today's obsession was about a reverse mortgage and if it is the thing for him to do..and where his SU hat was. His orange SU hat.. I did not know. I still do not know but I can pretty much put money on the fact that soon... very soon he will call me and once again he will say to me

"Diane..do you know where my SU hat is..the orange one?.."

Once again I will answer "no..No I do not".

Then he will say" oh I thought maybe you did."

See God would not give me two parents with this just to see how the heck I would do..how long it would take to crack.

Eddie Haskell yes..God No.

So what exactly does God give me? He didn't give me parents with dementia..he didn't give me a broken marriage..he didn't give me financial stress.. he didn't give me my laundry list of health problems..or my grand daughter with hearing problems or my daughter with health problems.

He did not. It was not... it is not a test.

How long before you "cry uncle: is not what the Great Spirit is looking for.

He gives us all something different. He gave me a great sense of humor..most days I can find humor in virtually any situation.

He gave me wonderful children and friends who listen to me when i

say "excuse me...nervous breakdown in the works"

He gave me the knowledge that life is short..love is good..and that it does not stop..even when the person you love does not appear to be the person you have loved for years...or when they are "shot or gone or really gone" life continues..love continues.

He gave me a strong sense of faith. Faith in my ability to withstand what life throws at me because I believe in the redemptive powers of his love.

So yes Emily..just flip it around a bit and you have it...God gives us the ability to handle whatever cruel cosmic joke lands at our feet. By his love we can withstand it all. That is the part to always hold on to.

Oh and he gave me you to remind me of it...

Amen