Demolition Derby

So tonight, while doing some suppertime bickering, the husband says to me " I often wish you were in better health so I could hit you" and I quickly retorted " I wish I had a gun so I could shoot you."

Love...It is not for sissy's.

The plain and simple fact is that the husband and I have a deeply complicated, frequently dysfunctional,and often hilarious relationship.

For example, the theme song to our relationship...something he wrote ( big surprise) is titled " Demolition Derby".
I truly like the song and the fact of the matter is some of the best stuff he has ever written has come when I left him...each time.

This last recording that was made is almost entirely about the cluster f--k of a couple crazy years we spent together and apart.
For smart people we have made some powerfully stupid decisions.

Our relationship started under a cloud and when you have that kind of beginning Nobody really expects you to last...and if you are being honest with yourself you don't expect it to last.

But its been 23 years now. It was 23 years ago that I met him and from the very very first sighting I was gone..done for..it was all over but the shouting.

I remember my very first Kim Draheim sighting. I walked into class and there he was sitting with his legs stuck out in the isle... wearing a long black leather coat..black beatle boots...sunglasses( in class, in winter!)...long hair.
I took it in and stopped breathing, acted nonchalant as I walked by and told my friend that he was obviously "full of himself" when she asked me if I saw him.

I saw him.
He saw me.

Love at first sight.
All that corny crap that neither one of us believes in.
But it happened. At the wrong time, for no real reason, and despite every single reason that it should not have.
AND..
It keeps happening.
I leave, I come back.
I get angry, he writes a song.
He gets angry, I convince him he is an idiot. ( kidding, sort of)

We are old now. Seriously,I really really never in my wildest dreams figure that this kind of crazy romantic drama would happen at this age.
However, since i was reasonably sure I would be dead by 40 I guess that is no surprise.

But here we are...silly old people acting like we are 20.

It occurred to me tonight as I was trying desperately to explain to him my concerns and he was looking at me like I was from another planet...it occurred to me that we are destined to spend the rest of our life together.

It might not always be pretty but...
where else am I going to find someone with who one minute we will be talking about Bob and Tom, followed by NPR, followed by a fight about cat litter and then a heartfelt
" you should be kissing the ground I walk on" dissertation by me...into "hold the baby' I need to finish my blog...and he does.

Fact...he makes me crazy.
Fact...I make him equally as crazy.

So he vows not to hit..I vownever ever to get a gun and so it goes.

"The taste of blood and the smell of gas its a demolition derby and a love the lasts...forever...forever..."

And the password is...

Does anyone remember the game password? I have vague memories of the game. I know there were teams and a password that that one contestant tried to get their partner to guess on basis of the clues they gave them.

I play password every day. I have been playing for over an hour now. The problem is I have been playing with a bad partner...my computer. Lousy ass clues. My favorite food?? I have no idea what I said my favorite food was back in December of 09. At that point I was kind of down in the dumps so i figure it could have been anything..cake..cookies..wine...cakecookiesandwine...evidently not. None of those.

So in order to write my blog I have to remember my password and I don't. So then i start getting clues...Your favorite food..no...Okay your oldest childhood friend..got that ( yay! Lynn) but NO that is not enough and they still want the freaking food or the last password I signed in with?? Well shit if I knew that I wouldn't be playing password with you guys. DUH.

I hate passwords. Do you know how many stupid passwords I have?? Too many. I have one for AOL and one for GMail and one for my HOC GMail and one for my online banking and one for my work online banking and one for pay pal and eBay and don't forget Amazon and it goes on and on and on and sometimes I got to think really??

Does anyone give a shit what I do?
Do people actually sit around and try to get into my stuff?

I mean I can see the banking thing but what exactly are they gonna do with my blog?

Okay here's the thing, most of you know me and if I suddenly start writing a blog that is supporting Rick Santorum or Newt well you all can be pretty sure its not me OR that I have finally had that long awaited nervous breakdown.

I swear that my computer was getting condescending with me too. Kept saying "You just changed your password 1 hour ago"
Now that sounds a little condescending am I right?
Besides maybe I did but that was only because they made me and then I got busy and well..I forgot. YES IN ONE HOUR!!
Sue me.
Got lots on my mind these days.
2012 has been a little tough.
Now don't get me wrong some really wonderful things have happened..but none of it has come easily.

So, yes I am easily distracted and I have never been a detail gal anyway...so I get locked out of my various accounts pretty much daily.
Some of my well meaning friends and family like to give me tips..things like write the passwords down and put them in a safe place.

Can you guess the pitfalls with that idea?

First, I have to remember to write them down someplace that actually counts..not my calendar at work..with all the other numbers and phrases and pieces of a sentence that I am sure actually meant something to me at some point.

Also, not on any random scrap of paper as it will end up in one of my cavernous purses and be gone until I dump the purse and find like 20 different scraps of paper and stare at them trying to decide what they might have meant at some point.

Once I got a little notebook and diligently wrote all my passwords down and that was great...until I lost the book...which happened in less than 24 hours.

A few things have become glaringly obvious to me this year.

First, the brain can only hold just so much before stuff leaks out and stress aggravates that condition.
I admit I am leaking.

So for all of you whose birthday I may have forgotten or who I forgot to check on after your surgery or who had a special event I forgot...I am sorry.
You are not unloved you merely leaked out and chances are good I even thought about it in the middle of the night but then it slipped away by morning.

Second, the more kids you have and the older they get and the more their family grows the more there is to worry about..to remember and to worry about forgetting!

Third...Once your baby has a baby, you are old. Yes that,coupled with the fact that the more times than I care to say lately I have had people refer to me as
"adorable", that spells OLD.

You get to be adorable when you are a child or a quirky old lady.

Ah well could be worse.

It all could be worse...having too many people who you love...so many that you start to forget some of their events..that's not a terrible problem.

The password problem well I could just make them all the same thing...except for the ones that make me change every 90 days...ugh...

Perhaps the answer is tattoos.. all the important dates and passwords...all over my body.

It will be adorable.

Oh and by the way..I have absolutely NO Idea what the password was that I finally managed to sign in to this blog with...so might be awhile before I write again~