Ugh~ Okay that is so not the proper response...Yippee!!
But here is the thing..today I feel more ugh than yippee but mostly, most of the time it really is Yippee!!
I mean believe me, I, more than many, get the true value of a birthday.
This is because, when I was about 48 and a very insensitive doctor looked at me as we sat chit chatting about this that and the other thing and he said " well you won't have to worry about turning 50"
It was like a slap in the face and I thought at that exact moment "bull shit...I have every intention of living long enough to have have married kids and grand kids and see my all kids through school".
And I did.
So each birthday I would like to say to that guy...Thank-you...because I never...not ever... like to be told what I cannot do.
I am amazingly healthy all things considered. My heart at one point was so weak that it was an effort to breathe or eat or do anything much but sleep. It was a weird thing that took me in a minute from being really quite healthy to an invalid.
The reason never really discovered. Some theories..most actually... say it was the infection in my tooth that went straight to my heart despite the fact that I received dental care and took antibiotics. If so, imagine what would have happened without me doing that.
Others have said that during those years many people were infected with some sort of virus that attacked muscles, in particular heart muscles.
Well maybe... but I am not even sure it actually matters.
What matters is that I got better and I have already lived several years more than was expected.
I have lived long enough to see all my children except one get married and three of them have children and another one soon to have one.
I have lived long enough to walk away and walk back to the man who is one of the most difficult, but most worthwhile humans that I know. The walk away was imperative for both of us... the walk back was equally so.
I have lived long enough to discover a faith in God that has astounded this former atheist. Not just discovered and rejoiced, but discovered and felt the need to immerse myself in the belief and tell the story to anyone who cares to listen and most likely to some who don't.
I have lived long enough to have a job that is not a job so much as it is a calling. I have worked and worked hard for the last 4 years at The House of Concern and I cannot imagine doing anything else... At least not this second.
I have packed a whole lot into the last few years. A whole lot...and I have every intention in packing each subsequent year every bit as full.
I have plans that stretch right straight into my 90's.
Really.
I have plans to do the following..run a race..consider being ordained again...write a book...join the Peace Corps...be grandmother to many...and to enjoy each and every year of my life.
How freaking great is that!
So, the fact that I get senior discount sometimes when that young blond twit is at Dunkin Donuts and I really should not yet..that only bothers me for a minute..okay maybe two...and then I think.."sweet 10% discount".
The fact that I just realized that I could move into senior housing does not bother me...much.
The fact that I just realized today that I am a mere 4 years away from free admittance to the State fair will not bother me...this year.
I have a hard time reconciling myself to the fact that I am not young anymore. I still feel young. Well most days...recently...after I started trying to run...I thought perhaps I was actually 100.
However, since I have never ever run in my life..I think that is to be expected.
Not even as a kid did I run. My mother would say "run outside and play" and I would shoot her a disdainful look and grab my book and drag myself out into the yard and plunk myself down in the lawn chair under the tree. That was my extent of "running".
I am not athletic. Yet I really want to see if I can mange to run a 5k. I will start with a 3k and they call that a"fun run"...not sure who is having fun..so far not me...but I am committed to at least trying.
I might be last but since I am not even supposed to be alive well that's still something..right??
So, well I've forgotten most of why I was in a bad mood...I think it had something to do with a disagreement with one of my kids but this has made me remember that this too shall pass and as the husband always says to me...
"it will all work out in boom land baby"
and so it will.
happy almost birthday to me!!
